Can Teen Sex Affect Your Later Marriage

 

          By Susan Browing Pogany

          Partners who have had premarital sex are more than twice as likely to commit adultery (have sex with someone outside of their marriage) after they are married. As a result, their marriages are undermined by suspicions, lack of harmony, and by one partner's discovery of the other's lack of faithfulness.

         One effect of premarital sex is that later on, sex within marriage may seen less exciting. Partners may have relished the premarital thrill of getting away with something forbidden so much that they come to miss this excitement. Married sex may seem dull by comparison. This letdown may push partners to try to relive this thrill through adultery, Short explains. This puts their marriage at great risk.

        Couples who had sex before marriage are less likely to be satisfied with their married sex lives. One partner may compare the other's sexual abilities or responses with those of previous partners. Even though their marriage partner has normal responses and normal sexual skills, they may think longingly of the wildly erotic behavior of some previous lover and feel cheated and unhappy.

       Dating couples who can't hold off on sex may be blinded by it, writes Short. The intensity of the sex can fool them into thinking they're meant for each other. Only after they are married do they discover that the main thing holding them together was sex.

        Premarital sex can cause one or the other marriage partner to be sexually "inhibited" - unable to share and enjoy sex, one partner felt guilty about doing something wrong. Every time that partner premarital sex, it was associated with guilt and shame. Even after marriage, the partner continues to think of sex as something bad. Such as marriage partner just can't "let go" and enjoy sex as freely as they could have if sex had been postponed until marriage. It may take years to get over this bad feeling. Sex counselors say this is an extremely common problem and leads to less happy marriages.

       Sociologist Short believes that another reason premarital sex breaks up marriages is that it robs couples of the "sexual cement" that can hold them together. He explains that the first years of a marriage are the roughest period of adjustment for a young couple. This is when a marriage is most likely to break up. He says that the first year or two that a couple begin having sex is the most thrilling sexually. If this period of exciting sex occurs during the same year or so that they are going through the difficult early period of adjusting to marriage and each other, then good sex can cement their love and marriage. However, if they had a year or so of premarital sex, then "that precious bonding of sex that could have helped hold them together while they worked out their problems has been largely lost.

        Couples may be pushed into a bad marriage by guilt over sex. If two people think they are in love, and if they become engaged, they may decide that sex is finally okay, but only because they are doing it with the one they will marry. However, if either partner late feels there are good reasons for breaking off the engagement, they may feel obligated to go ahead and marry because they have shared the gift of their virginity.
 (One out of every three engaged couples breaks off the engagement before marrying, Short explains.)

        "My mon and dad waited until they married, and seeing how much they love each other now after all those years makes me want that for my marriage," says one eighteen-year-old.

        A young woman named Kristen says "that if both partners are virgins on their wedding night, "there will be an incredible feeling of trust and closeness like no other."

        She adds, "I am so sick of hearing all that crap about ' you need to know [ your partner ] in every aspect before you get married. ' well, if you want to know how your mate will be in bed, you can measure them by level of passion in their kiss and in the way they treat you."

       When it comes to sexual compatibility, almost any couple who love each other can achieve a happy sex life, writes Short. He states that the best sex is married sex.

       Having premarital sex to test your compatibility can spoil things. You're not shopping for a sex object. You're looking for a life time partner and best friend. (Sex Smart)